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This year beyond sucked...
Dec. 9th, 2018 11:03 pmWow, it's been over half a year since I got this journal.
Forgot to mention on the original post that I am also GeminiStep over at livejournal, but am no longer using that platform. I didn't like the new user agreement as there was something in the way they worded it that made me uneasy. I haven't even signed back in long enough to delete that journal. I may recreate a post or two that amuses me still here and I'll probably port over some old fanfiction I wrote a long time ago.
Anyway, I really did mean to be more on top of using this as a way to vent, but life really went downhill.
Back in May, shortly after I put in the first post, my mom was diagnosed with Stage Four Cancer. It was so spread out that the doctors never did figure out the originating source. She only went through three rounds of chemo before the doctor said it wasn't working and she chose to discontinue treatment.
I'm still angry at that doctor and wish we had convinced her to change to a different doctor. I fully believe the Cleveland Clinic Cancer Center is getting by on its reputation and isn't nearly as good as it used to be. The doctor didn't bother to even read her case before meeting her the first time. I went with her to that appointment and watched as he looked over the case for the first time. He thought she had lung cancer because one of the nurses working for her pcp accidentally put that in the general info (they thought the cancer had moved to her lungs) and got confused when it wasn't showing that in the case notes and test results.
He seemed like he gave up on her during that first visit. He didn't even take the time to ensure that all the tests he wanted run could be run at the same time, just said they could, and walked away. He never suggested trying a different chemo protocol when the first one clearly wasn't working. He effectively threw up his hands and indicated there was nothing he could do. Everyone else were shocked he didn't even suggest trying a different protocol, especially as they didn't even know for certain which type of cancer it was. It could have potentially responded to another treatment type, but we'll never know.
He even got offended when she went for a second opinion (another Cleveland Clinic doctor). He was clearly annoyed that she would question his opinion when he clearly didn't know what he was talking about.
While all this was going on, my sister's 14 year old dog had to be euthanized. This was her first dog and she adopted him when he was a puppy. She was not capable of making the decision to euthanize by herself. I've had to make that decision several times over my life with my cats, and I'm far more logical than she is in these situations. She might be older, but there are some areas I am better equipped emotionally than she is.
I ended up being the one to explicitly point out that the dog was suffering. She had told me about these distress episodes he'd been having off and on for several days, but I hadn't been around for them. When I finally saw an episode, I could see how he wasn't getting enough oxygen (he had cancer as well) and was also getting disoriented. We took him to the family vet later that day to have him euthanized. Mom was able to come by using a wheelchair.
Mom ended up going into home hospice care shortly after discontinuing treatment. If anyone ever has to have a relative go into hospice care I fully recommend Hospice of Western Reserve if they are in your area. They were wonderful.
Slowly watching my mom deteriorate over the summer was devastating for everyone. She went from a vibrant, energetic woman to a shadow of herself. She was supposed to go camping/climbing into the Grand Canyon this past October with my dad and their two friends. She was constantly volunteering outdoors and taking long walks with the dogs before all this. As she became more ill, she couldn't even walk to the bathroom unassisted.
She passed away on October 22. The only good thing about all of this was that she never had any pain, which is extremely rare. I do wonder if she had been in pain, would it have been caught sooner? Again, a question that will never be missed.
I miss you so much Mom.
Four days ago, an old family friend passed away as well. Peggy was 93 and quite ill so not a complete surprise, but still, after everything I don't even know what to say. I've known Peggy my entire life. She used to babysit my sister and me and we still have the shadow portraits she made of us hanging up.
In two days it'll be Mom's birthday, then mine. We are only holding some sort of Christmas as Mom told me she didn't want her ill health/death to stop us from celebrating. It's a much more muted holiday this year.
I hope next year is better.
Forgot to mention on the original post that I am also GeminiStep over at livejournal, but am no longer using that platform. I didn't like the new user agreement as there was something in the way they worded it that made me uneasy. I haven't even signed back in long enough to delete that journal. I may recreate a post or two that amuses me still here and I'll probably port over some old fanfiction I wrote a long time ago.
Anyway, I really did mean to be more on top of using this as a way to vent, but life really went downhill.
Back in May, shortly after I put in the first post, my mom was diagnosed with Stage Four Cancer. It was so spread out that the doctors never did figure out the originating source. She only went through three rounds of chemo before the doctor said it wasn't working and she chose to discontinue treatment.
I'm still angry at that doctor and wish we had convinced her to change to a different doctor. I fully believe the Cleveland Clinic Cancer Center is getting by on its reputation and isn't nearly as good as it used to be. The doctor didn't bother to even read her case before meeting her the first time. I went with her to that appointment and watched as he looked over the case for the first time. He thought she had lung cancer because one of the nurses working for her pcp accidentally put that in the general info (they thought the cancer had moved to her lungs) and got confused when it wasn't showing that in the case notes and test results.
He seemed like he gave up on her during that first visit. He didn't even take the time to ensure that all the tests he wanted run could be run at the same time, just said they could, and walked away. He never suggested trying a different chemo protocol when the first one clearly wasn't working. He effectively threw up his hands and indicated there was nothing he could do. Everyone else were shocked he didn't even suggest trying a different protocol, especially as they didn't even know for certain which type of cancer it was. It could have potentially responded to another treatment type, but we'll never know.
He even got offended when she went for a second opinion (another Cleveland Clinic doctor). He was clearly annoyed that she would question his opinion when he clearly didn't know what he was talking about.
While all this was going on, my sister's 14 year old dog had to be euthanized. This was her first dog and she adopted him when he was a puppy. She was not capable of making the decision to euthanize by herself. I've had to make that decision several times over my life with my cats, and I'm far more logical than she is in these situations. She might be older, but there are some areas I am better equipped emotionally than she is.
I ended up being the one to explicitly point out that the dog was suffering. She had told me about these distress episodes he'd been having off and on for several days, but I hadn't been around for them. When I finally saw an episode, I could see how he wasn't getting enough oxygen (he had cancer as well) and was also getting disoriented. We took him to the family vet later that day to have him euthanized. Mom was able to come by using a wheelchair.
Mom ended up going into home hospice care shortly after discontinuing treatment. If anyone ever has to have a relative go into hospice care I fully recommend Hospice of Western Reserve if they are in your area. They were wonderful.
Slowly watching my mom deteriorate over the summer was devastating for everyone. She went from a vibrant, energetic woman to a shadow of herself. She was supposed to go camping/climbing into the Grand Canyon this past October with my dad and their two friends. She was constantly volunteering outdoors and taking long walks with the dogs before all this. As she became more ill, she couldn't even walk to the bathroom unassisted.
She passed away on October 22. The only good thing about all of this was that she never had any pain, which is extremely rare. I do wonder if she had been in pain, would it have been caught sooner? Again, a question that will never be missed.
I miss you so much Mom.
Four days ago, an old family friend passed away as well. Peggy was 93 and quite ill so not a complete surprise, but still, after everything I don't even know what to say. I've known Peggy my entire life. She used to babysit my sister and me and we still have the shadow portraits she made of us hanging up.
In two days it'll be Mom's birthday, then mine. We are only holding some sort of Christmas as Mom told me she didn't want her ill health/death to stop us from celebrating. It's a much more muted holiday this year.
I hope next year is better.
